if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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