I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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