i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
