It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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