You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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