One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You smell like a Billy Joel song
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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