There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
