Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
