is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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