Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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