look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
