we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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