just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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