so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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