I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
