Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
