I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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