Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
