Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
