Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Terrible idea I love it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
