and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
