if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
