If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
