The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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