THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
