I wish life had little blips of pornography
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you had me at cake vodka
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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