I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
