Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
