Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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