Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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