Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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