if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
