We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
