I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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