If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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