We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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