this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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