ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
