No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
