My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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