ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
