The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
