I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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