fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
