the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
