Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
