there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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