whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
