I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
