Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
