I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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