so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
