Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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