I just made out with a guy for $7.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
