MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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