Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
