if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
