There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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