I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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