omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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