I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
