Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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