Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
