I am puke
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
