benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
