Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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