I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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