haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
