you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
