Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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