Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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