Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think people are normalizing furries
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
