I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
