Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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