We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
