no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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