think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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