either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
