Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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