i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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