dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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