why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
