Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
